Funny Babies Quotes

Below are some of the best selected funny babies quotes for your entertainment and motivation. If you like these funny babies quotes please consider sharing them with your friends.


Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved. ~ Erma Bombeck

For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches. ~ P.J. O'Rourke

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty. ~ Erma Bombeck

Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. ~ Ronald Knox

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?" ~ Erma Bombeck

Until I became a parent, I thought children just naturally knew how to catch a ball, that catching was an instinctive biological reflex that all children are born with, like knowing how to operate a remote control or getting high fevers in distant airports. ~ Dave Barry

Pity the poor infant. Born perfect into the world from imperfect parents. ~ Cynthia Heimel

Babies are such a nice way to start people ~ Don Herold

Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it; if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order. ~ Dave Barry

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. ~ Stephen Wright

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.. ~ Ray Romano

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses. ~ Erma Bombeck

Baby’s room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby’s room should be in Peru. ~ Dave Barry

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once. ~ Jerome K Jerome

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. ~ Dave Barry

The reason I’m not an alcoholic is I don’t like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you’re away from them, who needs it?. ~ Phyllis Diller

Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB’s given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren’t likely to argue about bedtime. ~ P.J. O'Rourke

Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time. ~ Tim Allen

For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process. ~ Erma Bombeck

Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.. ~ Ray Romano

When you wake up one day and say, “You know what? I don’t think I ever need to sleep or have sex again.” Congratulations, you're ready (to have children). ~ Ray Romano

The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push. ~ Paul Reiser

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it. ~ Jean Kerr

My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're doing, as is evidenced by the fact that you're reading a very sloppy and poorly researched book. ~ Dave Barry

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His kids. ~ Bill Cosby

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